“Be The Woman You Needed As a Girl!”
“Your children will become who you are; so be who you want them to be.” Anonymous
She remembers the first time it happened. It was at a party in the South of France when she realized the little boy hoping around her. Then, as subtly as a child can be, he touched her arm and looked down at his hand. Nothing! So, he did it again, and again. She let him do, waiting for the moment he would figure it out! Then, he abruptly stopped jumping around, looked straight at her and said as loudly as he could, making sure she could hear him despite the loud music: “Why are you brownish?”. Suddenly she could hear the flies buzzing. She could see the embarrassment on his parents’ face. His mother looked mortified, surely wishing she could make her son disappear. The music had stopped and so had everyone else. Meanwhile, the little one stood there, his legs apart, waiting for the answer. She bent down, looked at him, smiled and gave him the only answer that made sense to her: “Because I am black”. For a few seconds, he kept looking at her. Did it make sense to him? Did he understand that, what she meant was, that was the skin color she was born with? She expected him to ask more questions but instead, he got closer to her, took her hand and pulled her to the dance floor. They danced together for the rest of the evening. He was happy. What was he thinking? Was she some extraordinary being who happened to be at his party or just a big girl he could dance with? She would never know. All she knew is that he seemed content with his answer. He didn’t want to know more, he didn’t need to, because there was no more to say.
After that evening, she never saw the little boy again. He surely went to meet other black or brownish people in his life. She just hopes he turned out to be as accepting of them as he was with her that evening. That was the first of many other encounters of the same type though. Children, all between the age of four and five, realizing for the first time that this person they had known all this time actually looked different from them and/or from their parents. From a hesitant “Are you kind of brownish?” to a confident “Are you black?”, she has given them the same answer with always the same results. They would either exude a sense of relief because they turned out to be right; she indeed looked different from them, or real happiness because they probably have cracked a mystery that the rest of their peers might haven’t even realized yet. It was always a one time question, one answer and that was all. At the end of the day, it never seemed to make any difference to them that she was different. Now, if only adults could be the same way. Be just as acceptant and tolerant! How amazing would that be?
To my fellow women,
Happy Day to all of you! We have come so far and still have a long way to achieve most of our dreams, goals, purposes! But for today, take some time to relax if you can, do something that makes you feel good and just be happy and enjoy being that amazing person that you are!
Christmas is here! The best time of the year! Everywhere you go, you are reminded of the importance of celebrating! Celebrate! Rejoice! Those are not questions! They are orders! Put on the mask of happiness, ignore the ache in your heart! Don’t let them see your pain, don’t spill your bitterness, don’t spoil the festivities! Keep on smiling, keep on laughing, maybe at the end of the day, you will be just as happy as they are! Maybe the pain will melt away! They don’t want to know anyway! They don’t need you to tell them that you would rather be rocking on the ground than around the Christmas tree! You don’t believe in the magic? That is your curse, not theirs! Don’t be the party pooper! No one likes party poopers!
I know! There is just so much pain you can take. You wish you could let go of those tears! You want to stop holding them back! You dream of them turning into some colorful marbles that would roll down and take away the darkness that surrounds you! Everybody seems to be looking forward to celebrate! You envy them. You wish you felt the same way! There is so much excitation in the air! But the more you try to get in the spirit, the worse you feel! Makes you wonder what you would do, given the chance to go back in time? You think it would make a lot of difference! But what if you were wrong? What if you were just kidding yourself? Are you that sure that given the chance, you would give up your sacred life just so that you could get to celebrate one last time with her? Would you leave your life behind and rush to her side, or would you act the same way you did before and just hope for the best without having to sacrifice anything? Would your pain be any different have you had time to say goodbye?
C’mon! Time to get up and put on that fake smile! You owe that to everyone that has been there for you! You owe her that! She is gone, but you are still here, you all are! Make it a time to remember, not a time to regret! Don’t mourn her, celebrate her! After all, how many get to have their birthdays on Christmas day? Set the table, make the cake the centerpiece! And once you have danced for her, drunk for her, laughed for her and sang for her, open the windows and let the wind blows the candles. And if you listen carefully, you might hear her voice thanking you!
It is 9:00 a.m in Downtown Los Angeles. It is Fall but the caress of the sun on my bare shoulders tell me otherwise. The skyscrapers remind me why it is already so noisy: cars, water fountains, ongoing works, people talking, children playing. A pretty girl just sat across me, facing the sun. Seems like we had the same idea. Her white dress is in stark contrast with my black one, she is reading a journal while I am typing on my expensive toy but our body language tell the same story. In an hour, I will be gone. Walking in the woods, the tall buildings will become tall trees, the water fountains will be turned into waterfalls and the workers will be birds chirping on trees and it will be quiet again! Enjoy your weekend!
Henri Frederic Amiel:
I remember how big and pretty you were. You were bright yellow with perfect angles. You had so much to offer and I was the one to want it all.
My screams and yellings never seemed to bother you! You were my sunshine, the first thing I saw in the morning. Also the last I saw at night, when darkeness fell upon you, turning you into a diformity that sometimes made me wonder if you were alive.
You kept me warm and dry during those rainy days and gave me shade when it was too hot to go outside. Your silence sometimes scared me; I was used to seeing you busy and noisy.
You saw me in my worst, the silent witness who never betrayed me. You hid me from the world so that no one would see me at my lowest.
I don’t remember when you started to crumble. I guess by then I was too busy with my life; hiding my own despair behind a facade, to think that this house that has sheltered me my entire life, could be losing its own facade as well.
Now that I think of it, I realize how sad it was, that only one of us was going to keep standing tall, while the other was getting ready to let go of the appearance. Suddenly, you were no longer available for me; I had to go find shelter somewhere else, where I could no longer hide.
As you were being given a new facade, I took mine down, showing the world the real me. It was painful and humbling, but not as painful as when I was told it was not only the facade you needed to be replaced, but that it was the entire foundation that needed to be taken down.
They always say that “if a look could kill!”, half of the mondial population will be dead! But what about silence? Once in a while, you will hear people wish for some. “If only I could get some silence!”. Give them a “silence treatment”, then ask them if they wish for more! Someone did you wrong? Remember! “Silence is the best revenge!” And why express your anger when”silence is the most powerful scream”? You are sad? Don’t cry, don’t you know that “silence is a person’s loudest cry”? What about that date that has been ghosting you? Well, too bad, silence can indeed break your heart!
In my perfect world, there are no leafblowers, no workers, no loud neighbors, and the list goes on. I will be at peace then. A pure delight! But put me alone in a cabin in the middle of nowhere for a few days, and I will be crawling back to town, to the very noise that I was running away from. Like most people, I crave for some silence, but not for too long, only when I need it I guess. Why? Because silence can sometimes be scary! And when I say scary, I mean dead scary! There is a difference between wanting to be left alone and finding yourself really alone, especially when there are no other lives involved. We might dread the noise, but there are times when silence happens to be more dreadful.
Nowadays, silence has become a luxury that not everyone can afford. Of course, unless you live in a semi-remote place or can afford to spend some time in a monastery or go on a silent retreat. “Silence is golden.” But ever wonder what it would be like to live in a perfectly silent world, where even sneezing would be considered a nuisance? Would our silent world be a peaceful one? And would that make us any happier?
What I truly enjoy the most about silence is when it creates comfort, not distance. Silence can be full of words, full of music and poetry. “Silence is a text easy to misread”. But when you sit with a person, and the silence between the two of you feels comfortable, how reassuring is that? To realize that you might have found true friendship (or love) in that person because “silence never betrays”.