Two months to go…

Last August, exactly ten months ago, I decided to give up shopping for a year! As the end is nearing, I realize that I almost forgot about all that, to the point where I stopped writing or even talking about it! See, this blog was meant to be my journal, the place I was going to talk about my emotions, my fears, my temptations and whatever victory was to come out of it.

So, after going through the excruciating pain of having to give up a habit overnight, having regrets every time I came across something that I could totally see myself wearing on more than one occasion, being angry at myself for putting myself in such an awkward and ridiculous situation when I didn’t have to, I woke up one day just to realize that all those negative feelings were gone!

Slowly, without even paying attention to it, walking past a department store without blinking not only became a habit, it became a norm. I don’t remember when and how it happened, but after a few months, I just noticed that the temptations were gone. I would look at clothes or shoes or bags or accessories and wouldn’t even consider buying any of them. At one point, it became such a norm that it lost its appeal! It was no longer some extraordinary challenge I had to overcome, nothing to worry or be excited about. It was now part of me, of my daily life, of what my life had become. I have fought the need to shop, to stuff myself with items I wasn’t necessarily going to enjoy, and I was doing fine. I wasn’t particularly happy about it, but I wasn’t sad either. Let’s say that I have reached a level where I am just content with the whole situation. I am finally free and at peace with my decision.

I have emerged as a new me, a person who can contemplate the idea of buying something without forcibly giving in. Where the idea of wearing the same clothes, the same old shoes, carrying the same bags, could have taken my confidence away, the opposite happened. Having to take better care of what I already own made me appreciate myself even more because it proved that my tastes weren’t that bad to start with, and reminded me how lifesaving it is to have some good basics in your closet and a drawer full of undies. Yes, when I made the “no shopping decision”, it included the underwear part of it. However, having two drawers full of them made the decision easier. I became more creative as well about matching my clothes. I took out old clothes that felt new again! I spent less time on Pinterest and Etsy, because as much as I used to like visiting those websites, I realized that the more time I spent on them, the more I wanted the clothes I saw, which subsequently was leading to more shopping.

However, in two months, everything will be back to normal. When you lose weight, then your goal is to stay thin afterwards, when you stop drinking, your goal is to stay sober, when you become rich, well you want to stay rich, but when you decide to change your spending habits for a limited time, do you go back to your old manners or do you keep your new habits? I must admit that I am still ambivalent about the outcome.

So, in two months, I will be free to go back to my old ways. There are some items I will surely need to replace and of course get new undies, the ones I have had served me well but I would be more than happy to add a few new ones, a woman never has enough of those! But what about the rest? Will I be like a starving wolf, clinching my claws on every item I find appealing or will I be a scary one, one who is aware of the danger of stepping in a mined field? So how do you get yourself out of a moral decision made between you, yourself and you without compromising yourself? As if that wasn’t troubling enough, I just realized that my journey will end right when the sales start! So I guess I will have my answer sooner than expected!Te

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